In my early years I spent a great deal of time observing all that was around me, trying to understand. It was hard for me as I also struggled with fear. I was afraid of so many things to include the farm livestock and especially the dark. Along with that I also suffered from thoughts of shame. I was afraid and ashamed; ashamed of myself and ashamed of my mother and ashamed of my father. The reason for this is explained in my first book Transitions.
As time progressed I also became ashamed of my brothers. This deep feeling of shame did not make much sense to me, it was just a set of feelings in my mind and heart that I could not overcome.
I volunteered for the U.S. Army in 1973. Once away from home I was able to work on a new identity but I could not overcome my fear and shame. I continued to suppress my feelings by working hard. I worked hard and often surpassed my peers in performance. Despite this my peers advanced ahead of me and I began to suffer from anger. As I became more angry I discovered a new emotion and that was a feeling of power to create fear. It was a strange feeling, I did not like it that much but I would not hesitate to use it whenever it was convenient for me. The result; I did many stupid things.
Life has it’s ups and downs. For each up in my life I claimed credit and for each down I blamed others. I convinced myself of the stupidity of others and to help balance my emotions I joked that everyone was stupid until the proved otherwise to me. I struggled with my emotions and tried to understand. I continued to work hard and sought to improve my self-esteem by completing my education. I went to college and then graduate studies while working full-time and completed my Doctorate in Computer Science in 2002. In parallel to this I began to look deeper into myself. I was very curious about the spiritual universe and began seeking information about my spirit guide.
As you get closer to God you also get closer to the negative energies. Things happen that often cause feelings of rejections, however it is important to understand that things are not always as they seem; God is always there for you. I worked to overcome fear and anxiety within myself as well has help my family. A major event was “in play” and in the late summer of 2008 I received a message that I would receive a Divine gift. There was not anything I needed to do except wait.
The months that passed where filled with many emotions. There was a combination of pain and sorrow that were overshadowed by frequent communications with my divine guardians and protectors. I cannot fully explain to you the depth of which they touched my heart and mind. They called me the listener and then told me they would tell me my true name. Along with all of this, one Angel came one evening and we talked many hours. I listened intently to his patient words of comfort and support as he explained to me why the reason for recent events and the events to come. At the end of our conversation he told me to go to sleep. “Tomorrow,” he said, “you will feel better.” It had been a very difficult and emotional discussion but I fell to sleep and slept soundly. When I awoke I felt different. I got up and went on my morning walk trying to understand what was different. I could not explain it, I only knew I was not afraid.
Once fear was eliminated from my mind I could open my thoughts to something more existential. After several more weeks of discussions I was given a simple task. For 30 consecutive days I was to see the good in all things. It was a very simple task, imagine this; no matter what is heard, seen, or felt I only needed to find the good within it. And, I only needed to do this for 30 consecutive days. There were a few conditions, one that was potentially the most rigorous was the reset rule. The reset rule stated that under any condition, no matter how many consecutive days had passed, should I fail to see the good in something that happened then I must reset back to day 0 and begin again. Forty four resets and 317 days later I checked off day 30 as complete.
To see the good in all things is a simple task if you can remove fear from your heart. Many may proclaim that they have no fear however, even the strongest and bravest person possesses fear. The problem is that a person may not be consciously aware of their fear. To understand your fear you must understand yourself. Learning to understand yourself and identifying your fear is possible if you have the desire to learn but it is not something that can be accomplished in a day.
Today is the time to begin the conversation.
You may comment to this posting or contact me at Nathaniel.RRiddle@yahoo.com or from my web site at www.transitions828.com. You may also find out more on understand fear and seeing the good in all things by reading my books: Transitions, A Spiritual Evolution and Perspectives, Thirty Days to Life.
To see the good in all things is not a destination, it is a journey. Remember that God loves you all, completely, unconditionally, and infinitely. Love always.