I Am

Today I sat down to write my weekly posting and I was struggling with a topic so I asked my 8 year old granddaughter what subject I should choose. She looked at me for a moment and then she said I should write about chickens or mine craft. Well although that is an option I responded that I generally write about spirituality. She asked, “what is that.” I replied, “I write about finding peace inside.” At this point she said, “then write about the heart.”

I thought about what my granddaughter said and then logged onto Facebook and Twitter to review the morning postings. The topics of the morning were many but one in particular caught my attention. This posting by Healing Light was reposted by my niece. I read the posting, “I have reached a point in my life where I feel it is no longer necessary to try to impress anyone. If they like me the way I am good, and if not it’s their loss.” As I read the comment it seemed like an oxymoron; the words saying something about what they felt did not seem consistent with what one should feel if they had really reached this point. I commented on what it said, “If this were true then there would be no need to post or say it.” It is usually complex for me to write such a comment as I work, unsuccessfully, to always see the good in all things.

I think I understand what the author intends however I think that, if the author has really reached such a state then it could be reworded to have a greater meaning. As it reads I feel the pain of rejection in the words written.  I understand I may be personifying my own pain. That’s ok for me,

My book,

My book, “Transitions”

I don’t mind that and, in fact, I sometimes cry after I have read what I write.  For me many of the things I write about are very personal and serve as an act of opening hidden wounds that are festering under many layers of wall paper and paint. I must uncover, cleanse, and let the light shine on the wounds so they may heal. The author may also have such a feeling; they may be working to cleanse their wounds.

Return to the quote, if I were to rewrite the quote I might choose to write it thus:  “I have reached a point in my life where I have learned to love myself. I am at peace within.” However, it is not mine to change to words of another. What I would say should be based solely on what I have in my heart not what another should hold within their heart. Each person walks along their own journey, it is part of their freedom of choice. For some the words may help them along their path and that can be a good thing.

I am not at the end of my journey, in fact it seems that I have barely began. When I look at the quote and my comment I see that I still feel the need to be judgmental. At times I defend myself and say I am only trying to teach but if I must teach then I should first learn. rockstrewnpathThe path to inner peace is strewn with many pebbles but that is not a bad thing either.

To say something is good or bad is applying judgment; often without complete understanding. For example, this pebble may be here to slow me down so that I might take the time to see all the glory around me; and another pebble there to alter my path so that I will not arrive at a dangerous point on my previous path. I am not convinced that things happen by coincidence but more so with purpose.

So now, I reflect back on the quote on Facebook. The quote is there for a purpose. For me the purpose is to reveal my judgmental character. I could say that it is who I am, however, that would just be an excuse for not wanting to change. If I want to change myself I must know who I pretend to be in order to uncover who I really am and that too is a good thing. So, who am I? I am a son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, nephew, and Uncle.

The Father created me from Love and called me Nathaniel. The Angels call me the listener. Love always.

I am.


One thought on “I Am

  1. grammatteus

    Having come to believe that our ‘original sin’ is judging (the knowledge of good and evil), and so our journey must be to escape what I call ‘judgmentality’, I too wonder at how this can be shared with those who continue to judge others without falling back into it myself. A dilemma indeed! Thanks for your thought-out thoughts on this.

    Grace be with you.



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