Sometimes I look around myself and I become resentful. In those times I let myself become a victim; I begin to blame others for doing this or that, things that prevent me from doing what I imagine I should do. Then I sit back for a moment and see that my greatest culprit is me.
Like Ash Williams in the movie Army of Darkness I fight a battle with myself. One side suggest one thing and the other side fights against it. Which one will win? Just as the Cherokee Parable below, the side that will win is the side that I feed.
An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life…
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
“One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
“The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
“This same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”
The old chief simply replied,
“The one you feed.”
–– taken from http://www.sapphyr.net/natam/two-wolves.htm
It is very easy to get caught up in self pity and resentment. In fact, you get a lot of encouragement to do so. There is not much difference in the way any of us behave whether we act as an individual, group, government or nation it all becomes the same when we analyze it.
We live in the environment that we have created. I cannot blame another, I am who I am by my own acts. I cannot change what I have done no more so than change who I am. What I can change is what I do and how I do it. I can change the way I feel about something or someone. More significantly is that I can change how I feel about myself.
If I should spend time on discovering something then perhaps I should spend time discovering me. It is not unusual for me to let my mind drift back to my early years. Sometimes my reactions about those years are cloy. Other times I am disparaging about myself. There are things that I did as a child I do not understand, some good, some not so good. I struggle to discover from where these thoughts or actions originated. Was it from something that I saw as a child or something that I carried forward from a past life?
I do not know the answers to these questions. I am fairly convinced that whatever the source it is something that defined who I am today. This definition of who I am today is also part good and part bad. I have done things of which I regret. I have done things of which I am proud. Neither of these paths define who I am, they are just a part of my past. I must always see the past for what it was and take from it lessons on how I should be tomorrow.
I cannot change the memories of the past. I know this. I also know that what I do today will become the memories of tomorrow. When tomorrow comes will I feel good about the memories that I created?
The greatest memory will be the love that I shared. God loves us. Love always.